


don't do this!

by arhat (plantmajor)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt and comfort, i love pidge, i think i got too into this, is that what pidge angst is called??, pangst??, the platonic shidge is rlly small
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 02:32:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12739209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plantmajor/pseuds/arhat
Summary: It's late and she's tired.





	don't do this!

**Author's Note:**

> i am so proud of this, by the way. it's possibly my favorite one-shot in this series so far.

For the first week, Pidge doesn't let him out of her sight. When he needs to go to the bathroom, she waits outside. When he's talking to Lance, she's nearby, eyes glancing up from her screens to make sure he's still there. It's weird, she knows it is, but if anyone else thinks so no one's said anything yet. Every once in a while they pat her on the back or just send a knowing look her way.

 

Matt doesn't complain either.

 

She notices he's doing the same (the way he always has a hand on her, whether its on her shoulder or intertwined with hers, how he's always asking her questions, random ones that he sometimes repeats every hour). She doesn't care. She likes it, and he can tell he likes it too.

 

They're also sleeping in the same room. Pidge's room, of course. I mean, she's cleaned it so that they have space, so that Matt can put some of his stuff in there too. He's not moving in, of course. They each have their responsibilities. Pidge with Voltron, and Matt with the rebels, but Matt's decided that there's no harm in staying with the team for a few weeks. To.. reconnect. She doesn't mind.

 

It's calming, having him around. It's like after a year and a half of absolute chaotic bullshit that won't stop coming, Matt is the calm before the storm, the reassurance that everything will be okay. To her, her brother is that spark of hope that's ignited the match in her heart that keeps her going. She doesn't want to lose him again.

 

After the events on Naxzela, something that had reminded Pidge about how _powerful_ the Galra empire really was, she'd felt weird. She'd been so close to dying. Matt'd been so close to dying. Everyone had been so close to dying. Her father was probably dead. It just reminded her of all she had left to do in the world. When they'd landed, the first thing she had done was run to her brother and hug him as tightly as she could. He hugged back.

 

That night, she'd fallen asleep with a tight grip on Matt's arm. He was camped out on the floor (after pushing away Pidge's invitations to take the bed), but their arms were still knotted together like a pretzel, the two refusing to let go of eachother.

 

Maybe they were overreacting, but they’d been separated for so long that Pidge couldn’t even begin to fathom not being near him or at least not knowing where he was for more than a few minutes before she got overloaded with anxiety.

 

She sighed, turning onto her back so that her eyes were facing the roof. When she’d first arrived to the castle, she found some old, small lightbulbs that she had strung together to resemble fairy lights. Right now they were dimmed, but they illuminated the room enough for Pidge to see her brother’s hand gripping hers.

 

She glanced over at her brother, who had started to become restless at some point in the night. She couldn’t blame him; space lag really took a toll on you, not even factoring in the nightmares or memories that kept you up haunting you, like the charred _body of Lance or Haxus’ burnt claw gripping Rover or the cold body of Te-osh as her life force withered away--_

 

It was okay now, though, because she had her brother. Now, all she needed was her dad and she’d be able to fly home and have that tearful reunion she’d been picturing for so long.

 

“-Kashi” She heard her brother mutter, his grip on her arm getting tighter. “Kashi, no, please--”

 

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to tune out her brother’s whispers. Pidge had heard them before, when they’d first started sleeping together; she’d been so spooked and felt so guilty (“You shouldn’t have any reason too, though.” Matt had told her the morning after. “You found me, and that’s the best thing you could’ve done.”). What if she had found him earlier? What if she had investigated the Garrison earlier? What if she did all these things of importance a lot quicker than she did?

 

Matt had been out in space for one year. Who knew what he had seen?

 

“Don’t!” He whisper-screamed, turning his head in Pidge’s directions. “Please, you-- Kashi!”

 

She opened her eyes and took a deep breath. ( _“patience,” he would say, with a calm voice._ ) Why couldn’t she sleep? Why was it so hard to sleep? Her brother could do it, and he was plagued by nightmares most nights. Why couldn’t she?

 

“Takashi, _I’m so sorry--_ ”

 

Pidge breathed again, and again, and again, trying to clear her mind. She blocked out any intruding thoughts ( _Keith’s mournful face, Lance’s quiet sobs, Hunk’s determined eyes, Allura’s broken ones_ ).

 

“Dad… dad, be c’reful..” Another deep breath. She put a wall against any nightmare fuel ( _The soft buzzing of Shiro’s hand, the purple glow of the Galra ships, Zarkon’s booming laughter_ ).

 

“---mom,”

 

( _pounding heartbeats, loud blasts, fast footsteps, big risks, bleeding wounds, bad memories, sad looks, silent tears)_

 

“Pidge.. Pidge, no--”

 

( _heavy breathing, limp bodies, burning flesh, hissing enemies, never-ending paranoia, high alertness, different weapons, lost bayards_ )

 

“Pidge..”

 

( _deafening roars, intricate plans--_ )

 

“Katie!”

 

“Matt,” She sobbed, pulling his hand closer to her chest. She couldn’t hear anymore; she just wanted to sleep, please, let her sleep. “God, Matty, wake up. Please..” Her eyes were screwed tightly shut by now, trying to clear her mind, ( _“yields,” he continued, giving her a supportive glance_ ).

 

A soft rustle and the sudden silence made her open her eyes slowly, meeting her brother’s half-open hazel eyes. His scar looked almost black in the dark. “Hmm..?” He hummed, running his free hand through his hair. “Pidge..? You ‘kay?”

 

“Are you okay?” She asked softly, wiping away some tears that had begun to form (when did that happen?). “If you want, we can see if Coran has some dreamless sleep potion. I mean, god knows what he has in that brain of his. But it could help you, anyways.”

 

“Wh-- what?” Matt muttered, still half-asleep, as he used his free arm to push himself up to Pidge’s eye level. “What are you talking about?”

 

“Do you not remember your dreams?”

 

“Not really, no.. What is this about?” Pidge blinked. The sibling’s hands were still intertwined, neither of them making a move to let go. “You say things, sometimes.”

 

“I do?”

 

“Yeah, Matty, you say things that--” Her voice cracked. “That make me feel really..”

 

Matt sighed. “Please don’t say guilty.”

 

“What else am I supposed to say?” She whispered, smushing her cheek on her pillow.

 

“I can’t help but think that--”

 

“Pidge, please.” He said, his voice a lot more awake than he looked. His hair was sticking out in weird places, but Pidge thought he looked perfect. She wouldn’t care if he looked like shit everyday because all that mattered was that she had him back. “If anything, I should feel guilty. I should have stayed on Earth and I should have made more of an effort to make my way back on earth and made more of an effort to find dad and I’m so, so, sorry.”

 

“Don’t do this.” She said, her voice loud and clear now, not feeling the need to whisper anymore. “Matt, god, it’s not your fault, it’s not anyone’s fault and we shouldn’t feel guilty but.. You’ve been out here for so long.. It scares me how bad your dreams can get and after hearing them these past few nights I just--”

 

With a soft tug, Matt pulled Pidge off her bed and into his arms, holding his little sister close. “At least I’m not dead,” He attempted as a joke, and Pidge let out a painful laugh.

 

“God, Matt, don’t even joke about that.” She said, smacking him lightly on the shoulder, the small smile on her face barely seen in the dim fairy lights. There was two seconds of silence, where Pidge’s mind reverted back to those nights she’d thought he really was dead ( _old albums, red-rimmed eyes, silver tears, ripped pictures, sad smiles, lonely memories_ ).

 

“Please,” she pleaded one last time, her smile faltering.

 

Matt’s arm slung over her shoulders, and she leaned her head on his chest. “I’m good, I’m alive, and I have the most bad-ass sister in the whole universe. You know how that feels? Fan-freaking-tastic.”

 

“Mom isn’t around, Matt, you can say fuck.”

 

“Nope, sorry, can’t. I have to set a good example for my tiny small sister.” Matt teased, and Pidge swats his shoulder.

 

“You literally just called me bad-ass.” She protested, a small giggle escaping her lips.

 

“My bad-ass, tiny, small sister.”

 

“Mmhmm..”

 

She could feel herself begin to nod off. She took a deep breath, squeezing her brother’s hand. He squeezed back, and she could even hear him smile. “I m’ssed you so much.” Pidge said, curling herself up into almost a fetal position.

 

“I missed you too.” He replied softly, but Pidge is already in that plane of existence that’s between being awake and being asleep. All the bad thoughts ( _bloody cuts_ ) are behind a wall ( _cracked armor_ ) and she will sleep soundly tonight ( _far-away screams_ ). She hope her brother sleeps well too.

 

Pidge took a deep breath for the last time, relaxing herself so that she’s able to descend into that final realm of sleep

 

( _“..focus,” he finished, swinging an arm around her shoulders. “got it?” she would nod, returning the smile and leaning into his hold. “got it, shiro.” she muttered. “Patience yields focus_.)

 

and is able to sleep well, even if it’s just for today. God, for a guy who’d been in space for more than year, Shiro gave good advice.

 

( _he ruffled her hair. "good. don't put yourself down. keep calm and keep yourself together, katie. it helps keep you sane."_ )

**Author's Note:**

> i've been so into NaNoWriMo (and by into i mean just staring at my laptop trying to make myself write) so i kinda?? forgot?? about this
> 
> BUT STILL i hope you all enjoyed this. every time someone comments or leaves kudos my heart EXPLODES!!!
> 
> i haven't slept in twenty four hours


End file.
